WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?
Self-esteem is your thoughts, feelings, and opinion you have of yourself. This opinion may be good or bad. A good opinion of oneself is referred to as High self-esteem while a bad opinion of oneself is called Low self-esteem.
Your self-esteem is a reflection of your evaluation of your own worth and the way you feel about yourself is the most important thing about your existence.
People with High self-esteem are usually those who believe in their abilities. They see themselves as adequate, capable and worthy of everything good while the people with Low self-esteem see themselves as undeserving and useless.
When people base their self-esteem on external factors such as how much money they earn, how much they weigh and whether people like and appreciate them; self-esteem can fluctuate between high and low if one of these external variables change.
HOW DO WE FORM OPINIONS ABOUT OURSELVES?
For most adults, our self-esteem was developed in childhood and carried over to adulthood.
As we grow up, our beliefs about ourselves and our abilities are usually built upon old memories of pain and pleasure. These memories are based on how we have interpreted and emotionalized our experiences over time.
Also by attaching ourselves emotionally to other people, events, and circumstances, we effectively build the foundations of our self-esteem.
We form belief systems which are nothing more than concrete rules/commands to the nervous system that shapes your thoughts and filters your experience of reality. And it is these commands that influence what you will consciously delete, distort or generalize as you go about your day.
These beliefs that form your self-esteem are often nothing more than conclusions you have drawn based on your childhood experiences.
How Do One Build Self-esteem?
Building self-esteem may not be an easy task if you have been abused or have suffered years of personal or professional failure. Learning to know and trust yourself is a long but worthwhile process.
You may need to search within yourself again and again to find your own empowerment and strength.
1. Fight the Gremlins:
The gremlins that dog our path to success is in our belief system. What are those self-limiting beliefs you have about yourself?
Your belief system is where things break down for most of us. There are just too many limiting beliefs that prevent us from moving forward, and that is why we
continue to indulge in self-sabotaging behaviors.
Question those beliefs:
Are these beliefs I have about myself really true?
Have I always believed this and why?
Was there a time that I did not believe this? Why?
How will my life change if I am able to change this belief?
2. Use positive Affirmations daily:
Re-write your self-limiting beliefs into positive affirmations and use them daily as well as every time those thoughts come up.
Choose a new set of empowering belief that you would like to use moving forward. The one guiding principle that you must follow here is to make sure that this new belief is believable.
3. Stop the comparison:
Comparing your life, yourself and what you have with other people’s lives and what they have is a very destructive habit that you need to deal with.
Settle in your mind that there will always be those people who are ahead of you and also those who you will be ahead of.
Everyone’s path is different and comparing ourselves bring nothing but despair. Focus on you. On your results. And on how you can and how you have improved your results. This will both motivate you and raise your self-esteem.
4. Surround yourself with people who can influence you to Boost your self-esteem:
This is very critical because the people you spend time with will definitely rub off on you.
Change your circle if you have to. Change the books you read and the TV shows you watch if they make you feel less. Be very intentional about this.
5. Set goals for yourself:
Set some goals and work hard towards them. This gives you something to be hopeful for, something to look forward to. Challenge yourself in small ways and then bigger ways.
Make a habit of trying something new. Whether you succeed at it now or not is not really important. The most important thing is to get used to leaving your comfort zone.
6. Celebrate every win and milestone:
Take out time to evaluate yourself. Always ask yourself, what are the things that I can appreciate about myself today? What are those things I did today that were just good?
There might be some that you did wrong but that is not what we are focusing on right now. You can’t get it all wrong so take out time to discover what you should appreciate about yourself.
These seemingly simple steps will set you on the right track for building your self-esteem. As you work hard towards building your self-esteem, always remember that being at peace with who you are and what you have to offer the world is a major part of having high self-esteem.
It does not mean that you are unaware of your weaknesses; it simply means that you have accepted who you are and genuinely like yourself.
Until my next post, stay happy.
Love, Sekinat Sanni.